Dirty Penis Candles - The Dildo Hub

Dirty Penis Candles

Candyprints
Estimating delivery…! Order before 1 PM PT on weekdays and your order ships the same day. Our team will reach out if we need any extra delivery details.
Compare at $28.55 | You Save $14.51 (50% OFF total after code JOLLY20)
$14.04
$17.55
After code JOLLY20 ($3.51 additional savings)
Tax included. Shipping calculated at checkout.
We accept
Visa Mastercard American Express Maestro Apple Pay Google Pay PayPal USDC
We ship via
UPS USPS FedEx DHL Express OnTrac
Trustpilot

As seen in

The Dildo Hub has been featured in leading publications covering modern sexuality and wellness.

These realistic penis candles will have your partygoers roaring with laughter.   Party planners and party enthusiasts across the globe agree that no gathering is complete without these hilarious and realistic penis candles!  

Features

  • 5-Pack
  • Package Weight
  • 1.50 Ounces
  • Package Dimensions
  • 1.00W by 4.50H by 6.30L inches

Shipping, Billing & Privacy

Last Updated: January 2026

Your privacy travels
with every order.

From the moment you check out to the moment your package arrives, every step is designed so that what you buy stays entirely between you and us.

How we appear on your statement

Credit / Debit Card Sp-Tdh-Br
PayPal TDH Retail Ltd

Some banks may display a slightly different or truncated version of these descriptors — this is determined by your financial institution and is outside our control.

— ✦ —

What Discreet Shipping Means

No logos. No hints.
Just a normal parcel.

Every package we send is prepared with your privacy in mind. If someone sees your order on your doorstep, in your mailroom, or being carried by you — they will have no way to know what's inside. Even carrier employees handling your package cannot tell from the exterior that it contains intimate products.

📦

Plain Packaging

Standard brown cardboard boxes or plain poly mailers — no decorative branding of any kind.

🏷️

No Branding

No logos, no product names, no "TheDildoHub" anywhere on the exterior of your package.

📍

Neutral Return Address

Shows a city and state only — no business name, no indication of the sender's nature.

🔖

Carrier Barcodes Only

The only markings on your parcel are your shipping label and carrier tracking information.

Free Shipping

Spend $139 or more.
Ship for free.

Free Super Saver Shipping applies automatically to all U.S. orders over $139 — no promo code needed. Every free shipment receives the exact same discreet packaging treatment as any paid tier. Your privacy is never a function of how much you spend.

$139+ ships free
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Order Processing

Same-day fulfillment
when it matters most.

Orders placed before the daily cutoff on business days are packed and handed to the carrier the same day — including Rush orders. Orders placed after the cutoff, or on weekends and federal holidays, ship the next business day.

⏰

Daily Cutoff Time

1:00 PM Pacific (4:00 PM Eastern) on business days. All tiers — including Rush — ship same day if ordered before this time.

📡

Tracking Updates

Tracking information may take 24–48 hours to update after your order ships. If it hasn't moved after 48 hours, contact us.

Shipping Rates

Flat-rate. No surprises.
Same price nationwide.

All rates are flat per order — not calculated by weight. The same price applies whether you're in Manhattan or rural Alaska. TheDildoHub covers any additional carrier costs; you will never be charged more than the rate shown at checkout.

Choose your speed

Free

Super Saver

7–10 Business Days

Free

on orders over $139


Economy

5–7 Business Days

$10.95

Popular

Express

4–5 Business Days

$24.95


Priority

3–4 Business Days

$34.95


Rush

1–2 Business Days

$64.95

Transit times begin after your order ships — processing time is not included. Times are estimates; carrier delays, weather, and peak volumes can affect delivery.

🇺🇸 Domestic Shipping

United States

All 50 states · APO/FPO/DPO · U.S. Territories · PO Boxes

View International rates ↓
Method Transit Time Price Typical Carriers & Services
Super Saver (Free) 7–10 Business Days Free (>$139) USPS Ground Advantage, FedEx Ground Economy, UPS SurePost, OnTrac Ground
Economy 5–7 Business Days $10.95 USPS Ground Advantage, FedEx Ground, FedEx Home Delivery, UPS Ground, OnTrac Standard
Express 4–5 Business Days $24.95 USPS Priority Mail, FedEx Home Delivery, UPS Ground, OnTrac Express
Priority 3–4 Business Days $34.95 USPS Priority Mail Express, FedEx Express Saver, FedEx 2Day, UPS 3 Day Select, UPS 2nd Day Air
Rush 1–2 Business Days $64.95 USPS Priority Mail Express, FedEx 2Day, FedEx Overnight, UPS 2nd Day Air, UPS Next Day Air Saver

Transit times begin after your order ships. If significantly delayed, contact us and we'll make it right.

About our domestic carriers

We use USPS, FedEx, UPS, and OnTrac for reliable nationwide shipping. Our fulfillment team automatically selects the best carrier based on your location, speed, and package details. You cannot select a specific carrier, but every carrier delivers in plain, unmarked packaging.

Services by carrier:

  • FedEx: Ground Economy, Ground, Home Delivery, Express Saver, 2Day, Overnight
  • UPS: SurePost, Ground, 3 Day Select, 2nd Day Air, Next Day Air Saver
  • USPS: Ground Advantage, Priority Mail, Priority Mail Express
  • OnTrac: Ground, Standard, Express
Why is Super Saver slower than Economy?

Super Saver uses the most cost-efficient routing available at the time of fulfillment — typically consolidators or ground services with longer transit windows. Paid tiers use faster, dedicated carrier services. The same discreet packaging applies regardless of speed.

Last-mile delivery partners

We may occasionally use UniUni or SpeedX for final-mile delivery in certain areas — crowdsourced delivery networks carefully vetted to meet our service and discretion standards. Your package remains in plain, unmarked packaging regardless of which carrier completes the final delivery.

Military address shipping (APO/FPO/DPO)

TheDildoHub is proud to serve American servicemembers. All military shipments go exclusively via USPS as required by military postal regulations. Tracking is always available. Delivery may take additional time due to military postal routing, but every shipment leaves with the same discreet packaging standards.

PO Box delivery

Yes, we ship discreetly to PO Boxes across the nation via USPS.

Delivery instructions

You can add delivery instructions at checkout. Please note that while we pass these on to the carrier, we cannot guarantee they will be followed in all cases. If delivery privacy is a concern, we recommend selecting a tracked speed so you can monitor arrival.

Why we don't guarantee delivery dates

No carrier can truly guarantee delivery in practice. Even express services are subject to delays from weather, carrier volume, and other factors outside our control. Stating estimates rather than guarantees avoids confusion. If your shipment is significantly delayed, we'll work with you to make it right.

🌍 International Shipping

Worldwide

Canada · UK · Australia · New Zealand · European Union & more

View Domestic rates ↑
Method Transit Time Price Typical Carriers & Services
International Saver+ 10–15 Business Days $34.95 USPS First-Class International, DHL eCommerce, FedEx International Economy
International Standard 7–12 Business Days $44.95 USPS Priority Mail International, UPS Standard, FedEx International Economy
International Priority+ 4–6 Business Days $64.95 DHL Express, FedEx International Priority, UPS Worldwide Expedited, USPS Priority Mail Express International
International Rush 2–5 Business Days $84.95 DHL Express, FedEx International Priority, UPS Worldwide Express

Transit times are estimates from date of dispatch and exclude processing time. Customs clearance may add additional days. If significantly delayed, contact us.

International carriers we use

Our global carriers include USPS, UPS, FedEx, and DHL depending on destination and tier. All international shipments receive the same discreet packaging as domestic orders.

  • International Saver+: USPS First-Class International, DHL eCommerce, FedEx International Economy
  • International Standard: USPS Priority Mail International, UPS Standard, FedEx International Economy
  • International Priority+: DHL Express, FedEx International Priority, UPS Worldwide Expedited, USPS Priority Mail Express International
  • International Rush: DHL Express, FedEx International Priority, UPS Worldwide Express
Countries we ship to

We ship to Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, and EU countries including Germany, France, Netherlands, Spain, Italy, and more. For a complete list, see our International Shipping Policy.

Full international shipping policy

For complete details — including customs duties, delivery times, and all supported countries — please visit our International Shipping Policy.

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Where We Ship From

Two coasts.
One standard of care.

We operate fulfillment centers in California and New Jersey, positioned to reach you quickly wherever you are in the US. Our system automatically selects the best facility based on inventory and proximity to your address.

🌅

California

West Coast hub serving the western United States and beyond. Plain packaging, no exceptions.

🗽

New Jersey

East Coast hub for faster delivery across the northeastern and southeastern US. Same discreet standards.

After Your Order Ships

Track it. Trust it.

Once your order is on its way, keeping tabs on it is easy — and if anything goes wrong, we're here to sort it out.

📬

Order Confirmation Email

Your shipping notification contains a tracking link. Click it to follow your package in real time via the carrier's site.

📱

Shop App by Shopify

Download the free Shop app to track all your orders from one place. Available on iOS and Android.

🔍

Lost or Missing Packages

If your tracking shows delivered but nothing arrived — or your shipment appears stuck — contact us right away. In most cases, packages are misrouted and located within a few days. If confirmed lost, we reship at no additional cost to you.

🌍

International Customs & Duties

International orders may be subject to customs duties, import taxes, or brokerage fees imposed by your country. These are not included in your order total and are the recipient's responsibility. See our International Shipping Policy for details.

Our Guarantee

100% Satisfaction.
Hassle-free.

For health and safety reasons, we do not accept returns on any item, used or unused. That said, we stand fully behind every product we sell.

Many of our products are USB or battery-operated, and on occasion a unit may arrive defective or stop working as expected. Our support team will first walk you through basic troubleshooting — often the quickest path to getting things working. If troubleshooting doesn't resolve the issue, we provide a hassle-free replacement at no additional cost.

How to request a replacement

1

Contact our support team — available 7 days a week.

2

Share your order number and product name along with a brief description of the issue.

3

If the defect is visible, include a photo — this speeds up the process significantly.

4

Once validated, your replacement ships promptly in the same discreet packaging.

Need help?

We're here seven days a week.

Questions about your order, a shipment, or anything else — our support team has you covered.

Policies & Legal
Shipping Policy International Shipping Returns & Refunds Privacy Policy Terms of Service Contact Information

 

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