Shipped from LA, California
As seen in
The Dildo Hub has been featured in leading publications covering modern sexuality and wellness.
Hosed & Beaded is not for the faint of cheeks. This beast of a beaded dildo delivers deep, rhythmic stimulation through a stacked column of swelling girths, narrowing necks, and subtle textures—all packed into a sleek, snake-like silhouette. If your goals involve stretch training, rhythmic pop sensations, or just conquering your own fear of gravity, this one's your silicone Excalibur.
It starts with a smooth, tapered tip to help you glide into your journey. As you go deeper, the alternating bead swells and necks give you that classic “bump-step” rhythm. Tiny dot-like nubs and microtextured panels add grip and detail, while a final ridged ring near the base hits your shallower zones with a subtle surprise. The flared suction cup base locks you in for hands-free fun, ensuring the only thing slipping is your last shred of modesty.
Best for:
Quick answer: Beaded bumps + tiny nub accents for rhythmic step-by-step stimulation, with a strong suction base.
| Tapered, rounded tip | Smooth bulbous entry with no sharp edges—gentle, pressure-forward introduction. |
| Stacked beaded segments | Series of rounded swells in descending girths offer progressive stretch and pop-in/pop-out rhythm. |
| Defined necks between beads | Narrow valleys enhance the step-by-step motion and act like grip zones during play. |
| Subtle raised nub dots | Tiny circular accents on larger beads add pinpoint texture without poking or spiking. |
| Ribbed ring near base | A raised band with ridges for shallow-depth stimulation and final stretch challenge. |
| Microtexture paneling | Faint scale/pebble textures in the straight zones add low-key grip and visual intrigue. |
| Wide suction base | Strong grip suction for hands-free play—also works as a safe stopper and grip handle. |
| Medical-grade platinum silicone | Durable, non-porous, hypoallergenic, and waterproof for bath, shower, or bedroom beasts. |
| Discreet shipping | Plain packaging, zero judgment—just you, your ambition, and a very long noodle. |
Use plenty of water-based lube and warm up properly—this isn’t a casual brunch toy. Begin with the smaller end and gradually insert bead by bead, enjoying the “pop” sensation as each swell passes. The defined necks provide a clear rhythm and pause points. Use the suction base for hands-free play on a flat surface, or keep a grip on the base for guided depth control. Rotate slightly to play with the nub texture and micro panels. Don’t rush. Respect the snake.
Hosed & Beaded gives you a slow, steady, thicc-as-hell climb into full-body rhythm heaven. Whether you’re stretching your limits, riding the beads on a suction cup throne, or just in the mood to feel like a beautiful meat puppet in a bead-based rhythm game, this snake has your number.
Order from TheDildoHub and enjoy discreet shipping, low-key billing, and a free mystery item that definitely doesn’t judge your choices.
Absolutely not. The gradual beads make it great for training, but this is an XXL toy—start small, build up, and treat yourself kindly.
Yes! The step-by-step bead girths are ideal for training and progressive insertion, especially with consistent use and proper prep.
Yes, it grips smooth surfaces firmly—perfect for floor play, wall play, or wherever else you plan to negotiate with your dignity.
Water-based only. Silicone lubes will mess up your precious snake. Don’t be that person.
It’s firm enough to hold shape during use, but flexible enough to move with your body. Like a well-trained serpent. Or an unbothered noodle.
Add the Hosed & Beaded 13.58 Inch Anal Snake Dildo to your cart today and begin your slippery descent into rhythmic, serpentine glory.
Last Updated: January 2026
Note: Some banks may display a slightly different or truncated version of this descriptor—this is determined by your financial institution and is outside our control.
Every package we send is prepared with your privacy in mind:
• Plain packaging: Standard brown cardboard boxes or plain poly mailers
• No branding: No logos, no product names, no "TheDildoHub" anywhere on the exterior
• Neutral return address: Shows a city and state only—no business name
• Carrier barcodes only: The only markings are your shipping label and carrier tracking info
If someone sees your package on your doorstep, in your mailroom, or being carried by you, they will have no way to know what's inside. Even carrier employees who handle your package cannot tell from the exterior that it contains intimate products.
We offer Free Super Saver Shipping on all U.S. orders over $139. Every shipment—free or paid—receives the same discreet packaging treatment.
Orders placed by 1:00 PM PT on business days are fulfilled and shipped the same day. Orders placed after 1:00 PM PT, or on weekends or federal holidays, ship the next business day.
Tracking information may take 24–48 hours to update after your order ships.
All shipping rates are flat-rate per order (not by weight) and apply to U.S. destinations in all states—same price whether you're in Manhattan or rural Alaska. TheDildoHub covers any additional shipping costs; you will never be charged more than the advertised rate.
| Method | Transit Time | Price | Typical Services Used |
|---|---|---|---|
| Super Saver (Free) | 7–12 Business Days | Free (>$139) | USPS Ground Advantage, FedEx Ground Economy, UPS SurePost, OnTrac Ground |
| Economy | 5–7 Business Days | $10.95 | USPS Ground Advantage, FedEx Ground, FedEx Home Delivery, UPS Ground, OnTrac Standard |
| Express | 3–5 Business Days | $24.95 | USPS Priority Mail, FedEx Home Delivery, UPS Ground, OnTrac Express |
| Priority | 2–3 Business Days | $34.95 | USPS Priority Mail Express, FedEx Express Saver, FedEx 2Day, UPS 3 Day Select, UPS 2nd Day Air |
| Rush (1–2 Day) | 1–2 Business Days | $64.95 | USPS Priority Mail Express, FedEx 2Day, FedEx Overnight, UPS 2nd Day Air, UPS Next Day Air Saver |
Delivery estimates are transit times after your order ships (processing time not included). Transit times are estimates and not guaranteed; carrier delays, weather, and peak-season volume can affect delivery dates. If your order is significantly delayed, contact us and we'll help make it right.
We use USPS, FedEx, UPS, and OnTrac to provide reliable nationwide shipping. Our fulfillment team automatically selects the best carrier based on your location, shipping speed, and package details. You cannot select a specific carrier, but rest assured—every carrier delivers your package in plain, unmarked packaging.
Carrier services by speed:
We may occasionally use UniUni or SpeedX for final-mile delivery in certain areas. Think of these as "Uber for small packages"—crowdsourced delivery networks carefully vetted to meet our service and discretion standards. Your package remains in plain, unmarked packaging regardless of which carrier completes the final delivery.
TheDildoHub is proud to serve American servicemen and women. Those who sacrifice everything for our wellbeing deserve access to quality intimate wellness products.
All military shipments go exclusively via USPS as required by military postal regulations. Tracking is always available. Delivery may take extra time due to military postal routing, but every shipment is prepared with the same discreet packaging standards—your privacy is protected no matter where you're stationed.
Yes, we ship discreetly to PO Boxes across the nation via USPS.
No carrier can truly guarantee delivery in practice; even express services are only guaranteed on paper and remain subject to delays from weather, carrier volume, and other factors. Stating estimates rather than guarantees avoids confusion and frustration for everyone. If your shipment is significantly delayed, we'll work with you to make it right.
| Method | Transit Time | Price | Typical Services Used |
|---|---|---|---|
| Standard International | 7–14 Business Days | $34.95 | USPS First-Class International, USPS Priority Mail International, DHL eCommerce, UPS Standard, FedEx International Economy |
| Priority International | 5–10 Business Days | $64.95 | DHL Express, FedEx International Priority, UPS Worldwide Expedited, UPS Worldwide Express, USPS Priority Mail Express International |
Our global carriers include USPS, UPS, FedEx, and DHL depending on the destination and shipping tier. All international shipments receive the same discreet packaging as domestic orders.
International carrier services:
We ship internationally to Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, and countries in the European Union including Germany, France, Netherlands, Spain, Italy, and more. For a complete list and additional details, see our International Shipping Policy.
For complete details on international shipping—including customs duties, delivery times, and all countries we ship to—please visit our International Shipping Policy.
We ship from multiple fulfillment centers for fast, reliable nationwide coverage:
California: Huntington Beach, Chatsworth, Santa Ana
New Jersey: East Windsor
Our system automatically selects the best facility based on inventory and proximity to your address. Regardless of where your order ships from, every package is prepared to our strict discretion standards—plain packaging, no branding, complete privacy.
International orders may be subject to customs duties, import taxes, or brokerage fees imposed by your country. These charges are not included in your order total and are the recipient's responsibility. Please consult your local customs office for details. For more information, see our International Shipping Policy.
Once your order ships, you can track it via:
1. Order Confirmation Email — Click the tracking link in your shipping notification.
2. Shop App by Shopify — Download the free Shop app to track all your orders in one place.
If you have questions, contact us anytime at support@thedildohub.com.
For health, safety, and environmental reasons, we do not accept returns on any item, used or unused.
However, we proudly stand behind every product we ship. If your item arrives defective, damaged, or not working as intended, we offer a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee—we'll replace it immediately, no questions asked.
To request a replacement:
Once validated, we'll ship your replacement item at no cost—in the same discreet packaging, of course.
Contact us at support@thedildohub.com. We're here to help while protecting your privacy.
Full Shipping Policy · Returns & Refunds · Privacy · Terms of Service
